Marriage – Meritt Musings

Wait

www.bible.com/1713/psa.27.14.csb

In a hurry today? Life moving really fast today? Never seem to find your footing? Wait.

The Lord knows exactly what we need. As our Creator and Designer, He knows what we need. We to need to wait. But wait on what, exactly? What are we waiting for?

We have a drive, a need to make things happen. We live under the understanding that if we do not make it happen, it won’t. There are merits to this, calling for people to be proactive rather than reactive. But sometimes, we need to wait. So what are we waiting for?

A classic example of this is found in Genesis. Abraham was promised a son. But he and his wife Sarah were both well along in years. So Sarah, imagining herself in the place of God, suggested that Abraham marry her much younger servant-girl, Hagar. Abraham agreed. Not sure why. But maybe he thought this was how God’s will would be satisfied. He didn’t ask God about it. God didn’t say anything. God silently waited behind the scenes while Hagar conceived and bore a son, Abraham’s first wife to do so, making the child, Ishmael, the heir to his estate. Once all of this was done, however, God speaks. He tells Abraham that Ishmael would never be Abraham’s proper heir. That child would be borne through the octogenarian Sarah, contrary to what everyone knew then and now about conception, pregnancy and childbirth. Ishmael would be relegated to second-born status, and Isaac, the child of Abraham and Sarah, would be the heir.

Of course, bad blood existed between Isaac and Ishmael due to this apparent faux pas in inheritance rules. Ishmael went off and founded the Arab nation, while Isaac became the second father of the Jews. You can probably figure out how that’s turned out.

I think what we learn from Abraham’s experience is that God keeps His promises, and He doesn’t need our help. If God says He will do something, then we can trust Him to do it. All we need to do is to be faithful. By marrying a second woman, Abraham violated the precedent of the Garden (Adam and Eve). This first violation led to the family conflict between his wives, Sarah and Hagar and the expulsion of Hagar and Ishmael from his family. This led to Hagar and Ishmael nearly dying in the wilderness (until God intervened). But in some ways, the modern Jewish-Arab conflict finds its roots in Abraham’s sin, because he didn’t wait.

Your choices have far reaching consequences. Many make a decision to have sex before the covenant of marriage. Do I even have to talk about how much of a mistake that is? The question, “Who’s the father?” is often met with blank stares. And now children are running the streets raised with little or no discipline, tearing down statues of history, because they don’t know where they came from. The sexual revolution of the sixties has now come to fruition.

Some decisions are just better waiting for, than trying to violate God’s promises and rules for our conduct. Disaster lies along that path.

Dear Lord, help me to wait upon You. I know there are some things I want so badly that I go around Your rules, bend Your rules, even violate Your rules to get what I want. I know that’s wrong, and I have seen the mistakes of my actions. Lord, help me bear through these lessons, and learn to wait on You. Help me today Lord. I pray these things in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Love Is . . .

www.bible.com/1713/1co.13.4.csb

Not what I thought it was. When you are growing up as a young man, you think when you finally find that woman of your dreams and marry her, it will be love all the time. We will be all over each other. I will never have to wonder about sex ever again. Well, not so much.

This year my wife and I will have been married 25 years. There have been days like I imagined, and there have been days from Hell. Not gonna lie here. There are days where we have hated each other and couldn’t imagine going another day, and days where we thought our love couldn’t get any better. Thankfully, we were wrong on both counts. Over the years, you learn a few things, and you mature. And that’s where I learned that love isn’t about the roses and the candy and sex. Love is about bonding, staying rooted in each other, being present for each other. Love is caring, sharing, enjoying each other’s company. Love is all that the Scripture promised it would be. Mature love, real love is patience and kindness and joy and peace. But love is also sharing suffering and pain, hurt and loss. Love is being fully invested in another person, in their wins and losses, in their joys and sorrows. Love is being there when no one else will. Love is selfless giving, not taking. Love is offering, not seizing. Love is expressed in sexual intimacy, to be sure, but it is also expressed in weeping, in prayer, in working alongside, in listening. And this kind of love never gets old, stale or hollow. In fact, this kind of love continues to grow. This love grows deeper with each day. This love wakes up in anticipation of seeing your wife every morning, no matter what she looks like, because this love is from the soul.

Love is amazing, and love is taught to us by our Loving Heavenly Father. May you enjoy and experience this deep transcendant love for your spouse today and everyday. Don’t wait for once a year.

Dear God! Thank you for showing up this kind of love! Thank you for loving us so much that You sent Your own Son to love us, to give His most precious Life for us, to show us just how much we mean to You. Dear God each and every day teach us how to love, especially in loving our spouse, but also to extend this love to the unlovable. Show us your vision of people who need the gospel, who need good news. Thank You Lord Jesus for Your indescribable gift! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Guide my Feet

www.bible.com/1713/psa.119.105.csb

Not sure where your life is going today? It’s Monday morning and you are back to the same ground you’ve been doing for years. Nothing has changed. Monday is a painful reminder that your life has been put on hold indefinitely. Yes. It’s a job. Your family is cared for. Your needs are met. Your marriage is good. But it’s Monday and life is dull. It’s been this way for years and you just don’t know how to get out of this rut.

May I suggest something? The excitement you at looking for will not be in a new location, job, or marriage. It doesn’t really matter when you are the same. What needs to change is you. If you keep looking at the world through your own lenses, it will only be as exciting as you can imagine. Take a look at your world through God’s vision. What do you see?

God sees relationships and work that He is blessing. God sees a great foundation for ”greater works than these.” Imagine the contrast of a family if one element of your blessed life is removed. Good job but bad marriage. Good house but unreliable work. Food on the table but one child is hooked on drugs. Imagine if one thing was knocked out of your perfectly boring world. Doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?

Yeah, but I’m still bored. I’m sorry others aren’t as blessed as me, but that doesn’t change my situation. Maybe remind you of one verse in Philippians? ”Godliness with contentment is great gain.” Both of these drivethe engine of joy. Are you godly? Are you striving to be more like God every day? Do you appreciate and thank Gid for the blessing you enjoy every day? Do you bring the needs of others before God? Do you see others as God does? If you feel you have reached a plateau in your spiritual life, that’s not God’s fault. The depths and mysteries of God cannot be fathomed. If that doesn’t at least pique your curiosity, then you seriously need to work on your faith. Read more. Listen more. Get out of your own head. You already know everything in there. Submit to God in your daily activities and see what He can do with them. It’s not all about you.

Heavenly Father, being back to Monday isn’t what I had in mind for a good time today, but You remind me that life is more about my own needs. You remind me that I was put on this earth for You and Your purposes. Show me today what I can do to grow in my faith and not be so consumed my my own little world. Help me to grow past the dull and into the light. Show me the path. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The Law of the Harvest

www.bible.com/1713/gal.6.7.csb

Honestly I don’t think about this one very much. I don’t live in a area where I am surrounded by cornfields and soybeans like I used to. But I remember enough of those days to know that whatever you plant, you can expect to sow. That is, you won’t get wheat if you plant corn. You won’t get tomatoes if you plant potatoes. You reap what you sow. You harvest what you plant. Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? That’s why it’s called the Law of the Harvest.

However, did you know that this law extends into other areas? If you sow lies, you will get deceit. If you sow anger, you will get rebellion. If you sow infidelity, you will get betrayal. If you plant something in your relationships and even in your church, you will reap accordingly. Do you want a good family? Then must at least do good among them. Do you want a good marriage? Then you must at least be a faithful partner.

The fist part of this verse says this: “Do not be deceived. God is not mocked.” What is this supposed to mean? God has already said what is the best way to deal with your kids, your spouse, you family and you church. He has already told you how to deal with your manager, your friends, other people in the world. He will not be mocked by you. Others may try to deceive you into another way to deal with all of these people and relationships. They may tell you that letting your children be free to discover themselves is the best way, but God says, “spare the rod, spoil the child.” A child needs external discipline from parents to teach them what good and courteous behavior is. Only with that external discipline will they begin their own internal discipline, which makes for good citizens, and people of conscience. God told us, and He will not be mocked. And we have already seen the results of what happens when you spare the rod.

I don’t know what pain you are going through right now, but I want to encourage you too. It’s not too late. God will not be mocked, but He will forgive. You may have been deceived, but you don’t have to stay that way. God calls you today to truth, believe and you can be forgiven. Come to Jesus so that you may receive forgiveness through His blood. You won’t regret it.

God bless you today.

Imageo Dei

www.bible.com/72/gen.1.27.hcsb

One of the more hotly contested scriptures today. Lots of opinion what this verse means. In what way are we the image of God? A lot of deep stuff has been written about this. But I think it is important to say that God does not look like us. We look like God.

I believe another important observation here is the question of gender. The image of God, whatever it is, was created and shaped into two genders. Now I know there are those that say that God’s image resides within each of each, and there is truth there. But i also have to wonder why this phrase is added so closely to the other. God made man in His image, male and female He made them. It’s almost a parallelism, that one statement builds on the other.

While God is neither male nor female, He created both genders to reflect His image, so that the wholeness of God is reflected in the union of both. God possesses both masculine and feminine aspects, but we are to call Him Father, and so we do. But we are also to “honor your father and your mother” and that this is the first commandment with a promise. “That it may go well with in the land the Lord your God is giving you” and that you would live long on the earth.

Parents who model God in the home do well. Marriages of one man and one woman model God for their children. And should you find yourself in one of these relationships, thank God you have found her or him. For we are made in the image of God.

God bless you and your family today!

Forgetting What is Behind

Recently I commented back to a individual who asked about Christians attending a same-sex wedding. It’s under the post entitled, “The Gay Blade Cuts Both Ways” if you want to see it. A tougher question, and one that I’ve been pondering since I gave the initial comment, is about whether its OK to attend the wedding of someone who was divorced.

I’ve had several friends that I’ve met over the years, many of them good friends, who at some point “needed” to divorce their spouse. One recently mentioned that her husband, the man she married in place of her prior husband, had died. This is what prompted this post. Because I found myself not knowing how I should feel. I knew her first husband and felt we were friends. I don’t know all the details, but he and she divorced and then she married again to the man who has now recently passed. I believe her previous husband is still alive and I wonder if she hadn’t divorced if she would be mourning today.

I gave advice to a hurting wife years ago that she took as an encouragement for divorce. I still cringe when I recall the situation. I never heard from him, but she went on about how he was gone all the time, never spent any time at home and barely did anything together with her. I realize now that I was far too hasty, and ought to have encouraged her to try and work things out, to talk with the two of them together before I said anything, because let’s be honest, divorce is devastating. The only people who benefit from divorce are lawyers, and those who have been cheating on their spouse. I am not saying she did, but it seemed a very short time before she was married again. I never saw the husband, and I wonder today how I must have hurt him unintentionally by giving unwise advice.

God hates divorce, and He is far better glorified in a hurting marriage that is reconciled than in legal separation, divorce proceedings, and custody hearings. Now I know there will be those who say, “Well, you just don’t know my circumstances! If you did, you would know I needed a divorce!” Christians, if we are going to be hard on same-sex marriage, then we ought to be equally hard on marriage after divorce. There may be a thousand good reasons for divorce, but the Scriptures only suggest two, and these are merely permissions, not commands to divorce: 1) infidelity, and 2) an unbelieving spouse who decides to divorce you.

For the first, infidelity is a powerful reason for divorce, but it is also a powerful reason for forgiveness and reconciliation. Husbands and Wives, to look on anyone who is not your spouse and even to imagine sex with them is Infidelity. I may even add it is possible to commit emotional infidelity, if you close yourself off to your spouse and confide on an emotionally intimate level in another individual of the opposite gender. He who is without sin, cast the first stone.

For the second, note that the Christian spouse does not initiate the divorce, but the unbelieving spouse. So that it is the unbeliever who says, “I’ve had enough of your Jesus!” and leaves the marriage, NOT the Christian spouse who says, “I’ve had enough of you!”

So when I go back through my friends who have divorced, and church members and others I’ve known, I know infidelity is often cited. I cannot sit here and tell you I know everything that happened, because I don’t. We all make mistakes, even when it comes to the person we marry. And I’ve married people who were previously divorced, so I am as much a hypocrite about this as anyone. I know some churches are very adamant about refusing to marry divorced people. And yet I think we all need to practice forgiveness in this area. But would refusing to attend the wedding of a divorced friend be wrong? Or would it be standing on conviction?

This calls for understanding and discernment. It seems to me that if you know the situation well enough to decide whether or not the divorce was biblical, you are informed enough to decide to attend or not. I think that the Christian who divorces their spouse for reasons other than the ones mentioned above, needs to spend a great deal of time and effort working on their own lives and Christian walk before bringing someone else into their lives again as spouse. A Christian ought not to make the same mistake twice, especially when it comes to whom they choose as a partner in their walk with Christ.

So I’ve probably offended most of you by now. Trust me when I say I don’t know what to say either. I know many whose second marriages were truly blessed compared to their first. And I rejoice with them. But if we are to be consistent, then we ought to look our our own marriage practices just as hard as we do to those who marry within their sex. If that isn’t biblical, then are we truly doing it right either?

0111 – Source Code 7 – What God Joined Together

“So they are no longer two, but one, therefore what God has joined together let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14)

When God created human beings, he created marriage. God created them male and female, and the first picture we see of their relationship is one of marriage. In Genesis 2, God created Adam “from the dust of the ground” and after a time, “no suitable helper was found” for him (Gen 2:20). That’s when God put Adam into a deep sleep and fashioned from him just such a helper. Her name became Eve, and the first marriage took place at the moment of their meeting.

For those readers unfamiliar with the “birds and the bees”, you probably ought to read no further. Trust me.

I am amazed that a book considered so holy and pure that children ought to be encouraged to read it (and they should, don’t get me wrong) contains information that children ought not to be familiar with at younger ages. It seems to me that children need to carefully exposed to Biblical content until their life experience can prepare them for it. Just sayin’.

Ziony Zevit’s book What Really Happened in the Garden of Eden (Yale University Press, 2013) suggests that this surgery for Adam isn’t what we’ve always been taught. We’ve always been taught that Adam’s rib was removed from his side. From this rib, Eve was formed.

From this I’ve always associated Matthew Henry’s beautiful quote:

“Eve was not taken out of Adam’s head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.”

I’ve even used this quote, because it speaks to the beauty of the relationship between men and women. However, Zevit suggests a different part of the anatomy was involved. There goes centuries of beautiful word pictures, right? Well, rather than a rib, Zevit suggests that Adam’s baculum was removed. This because the original Hebrew speaks not of a rib specifically, but a part of the body that sticks out from the rest. This contradicts the story I was told as a child that men have one fewer set of ribs than women. According to Wikipedia, “The baculum (also penis bone, penile bone, or os penis, or os priapi) is a bone found in the penis of many placental mammals. It is absent in the human penis, but present in the penises of other primates, such as the gorilla and chimpanzee.” What a curious absence. Physicians have long known that the number of ribs on men and women are the same. But one bone absent among humans is the baculum, a bone present in primates. Curious, isn’t it?

Read this way, we see: “Then the Lord God made a woman from the baculum he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” (Gen 2:22)

The single most important physical point of contact for the man in the act of intimacy involves the penis, powerful in the number of nerve endings it hosts, and its complementary physical opposite within women. Without this bone in our skeleton, it is much more difficult for women to achieve the apex of her sexual pleasure. Thus the man disciplines his mind and his sexual energy out of his love for his wife. This is a picture of sacrificial love, to keep himself from his own physical climax until his wife has enjoyed the experience. God intentionally removed this particular bone in order to fashion the woman, to demand upon the husband a discipline of mind, to give place to her needs, to give her pleasure. And it is upon this singular relationship, dare I say this singular act of love between them, between the husband and the wife in marriage that all of society is built upon it. He removed the bone that would have kept the masculine member erect at all times and fashioned it into a feminine person. And when the masculine and the feminine come together, the male and the female become “one flesh.”

Paul emphasizes this point warning the Christians in Corinth about having sex with prostitutes:

“Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”” (1Co 6:16)

This explains why men and women have such an unexplainable infatuation with each other, why “love at first sight” is a thing. It is such a basic, even elemental force in our being that we can’t explain it. It is part of our source code. And just as men long to be united with women, so women long to be united with men. We call it “sex drive” or “libido” but it comes from from long ago separation, a separate but equal creation, in the garden of Eden.

This is not to say that some aren’t completely satisfied being single. Jesus says that sometimes, this drive is not present, and sometimes it is forcibly removed:

“For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” (Mat 19:12)

Not many are able. Because of this, Sex comes with a warning label.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1Co 7:1-2)

The drive to unite sexually is so powerful, that unless it is carefully guarded and contained within a marriage, it can destroy everything else. It is something that ought only to be experienced by mature adults, and not by children. Children who are awakened too early reflect many immature attitudes towards sexuality when they mature. Hence, source code 7, “Do not commit adultery”. At its essence, it is about guarding the sexual perimeter of marriage. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4) It about maintaining the purity of the marriage relationship. Any sexual experience that takes place outside the covenanted heterosexual marriage relationship is “fornication” and “sexual immorality”. Those comes with many other warnings. Jesus adds in Matthew 5:28 that even to internalize and fantasize about a sexual relationship outside this marriage covenant violates the commandment against adultery. Adultery isn’t just about violating the covenant with your present wife, but as unmarrieds, your future spouse. Keeping yourself pure is essential because marriage is the only place that sex can be safely practiced. All others must abstain. Why?

Marriage is the foundational community. Before God created government, before He created the family, before He created the Church, He created marriage. Marriage precedes and thus helps to define all other human relationships. This isn’t about living together, one-night stands, or any of the other euphemisms we apply to fornication. This isn’t about same-sex committed relationships either, or the faux marriage many trapped in such lifestyles pretend. This is marriage as defined as one man and one woman covenanted to each other as long they both shall live.

Marriage defines family. Duh, but let it be said that many believe families can be composed of any group of people. While this is possible, it’s not the ideal. A family composed of a group of people not related to each other are bound only by the strength of that commitment, time spent normalizes it. Traditional families are bound not only by this, but the biological component, bound by blood and DNA, behaviors and mannerisms that reflect one’s upbringing. Children are born in the image of their parents (and grandparents) and are more strongly bound. Even if those parents are awful people, there is still a piece of of a child’s heart that will always be bound to them. Marriage is the foundation of a family, providing the DNA and the stable household in which children are born, raised, and developed into mature adults. Unlike animals, of which most are ready to fend for themselves at birth, humans require time in a protected environment, so that their more complex brains not only learn language and essential life skills (going to the potty), but develop social and emotional intelligence. Children who do not have this either “grow up too fast” or don’t grow up at all, and are emotionally or intellectually stunted.

Marriage defines community. Stable communities are composed of stable families. Sexual relationships are confined within the boundaries of male-female covenanted relationships. The lines of descent, who is the father of who, as it were, are clearly defined. Children know who their parents are, and there is no one who questions their parentage. Neighbors are not seeking one another for sexual favors. Household integrity remains strong. In this environment, Families work together toward common goals, agree on boundaries, have their kids play together in an environment of trust. Families socialize without worry. The community is strong when household sexual boundaries are sacrosanct.

Marriage defines government. As communities grow, they require governance. In time they will seek out those who can govern, who can judge fairly between households, and give wise counsel. How a man’s marriage goes defines his worth as a ruler and a judge. How an officer treats his children is an example of how he treats his people. If a man cannot be faithful to his wife, how will be be faithful to his oath of office? When recommending men for eldership in the church, Paul says to look at their marriage record. (See 1 Timothy 3:2). Deuteronomy 17:17 warns that a king ought not to have many wives, or his heart will turn away (from his proper duty as ruler). If he cannot be a good father to his children, how can he be so to his community? (See 1 Timothy 3:5)

Marriage defines the Church. Marriage is the model for Christ and the Church. Many passages employ this metaphor:

The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete.
(Joh 3:29)

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(Eph 5:22-33)

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
(1Co 11:3)

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”
(Rev 19:6-9)

Do not make the mistake that the Church invented marriage. Rather, marriage precedes the Church by nearly 1700 years. God invented marriage to be a sacred relationship between a man and a woman. Jesus reaffirms this in Matthew 19. He says that the marriage relationship isn’t simply the attraction of a man to a woman (and vice versa), but it is the God-enhanced covenant that keeps them together.

This is why Satan is so keen on redefining marriage. If he can undermine marriage, he can undermine all of the human community. If one pulls at this one thread long enough, the entire fabric of our society is undone. When we cannot tell who our fathers are, or who our mothers are anymore, we lose our connection to the past, and our concern with it. History is one of our best teachers, and when we lose it, we are doomed to repeat its mistakes. If we say we are nothing special because we came from nothing and go to nothing, then what motivation have we to do something? The first step toward this oblivion was adultery, which is why God placed this sign right there at the beginning. If sexual desire is within out source code, then source code 7 is our guardrail, to keep up from going over the cliff.

The Promised Bride

Though the wife and I married in April, our first plan was to marry in December. We made this decision at the end of the year. We had imagined another full year of preparation and planning, but then we came to our senses and realized 12 months was 8 months too long. As it is, I’ve always wondered about the connection between Christmas and weddings.

There is a sense of gift-giving in the marriage ceremony. The father of the bride gives her away to her groom. The bride and groom make promises to “have and to hold from this day forward.” The reception too involves a great many gifts and well-wishes for the bride and groom. In the marriage, the bride and groom, ideally, give of themselves completely for the mutual encouragement and companionship of the other. It isn’t so much a partnership but a sacrificial gift of each to the other. Each gives of himself or herself wholly to the other.

That’s why as we turn to the Christmas season, I remind you of the old adage, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” God promised centuries ago that One promised “from the foundation of the world” would one day come to shepherd his people Israel. “Something blue” reflects Joseph, who struggles with questions of love and justice for his bride to be. “Something borrowed” refers to Mary’s womb, which she willingly offered to the Lord as His servant. But all of this leads to “something new”, something no one had ever seen, the foundation of our faith.

God had divorced ancient Israel for all her abominations and idolatries. When we go through her kings, we discover a gradual slide to her exile and punishment. He had written a bill of divorcement so she would be no longer called “my people.” He extends his hand through His Son Jesus Christ to the bride of Christ. Why did Jesus come, to preach, heal others and die? That was just the beginning. All of this was so that His bride might be born (Ephesians 5:25-27) and made ready for the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9) and the consummation of the ages at the last time, and He receives us unto Himself. Will you be ready when He is revealed, and we see Him as He is, when our veil lifted?

The Gay Blade Cuts Both Ways

Just the other day, I was asked about whether or not a Christian can attend a same-sex wedding in a Church. Should I bring my family, and my young children to such an event?

We know what God says about same-sex weddings. Absolutely nothing. There is no such thing in the Bible. But before the LGBTQs breathe a sigh of relief, God has much to say about traditional marriage. Though the examples of strong man-woman marriages seem to be few, they are there, as exemplified by Adam and Eve, Joseph and Mary, Aquila and Priscilla, and many others. The first book in the Bible to frankly discuss sex is Song of Solomon, and it describes an intimate relationship between a man and a woman. The wisdom literature (Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon) all speak of marriage as the unique relationship between a man and a woman that is exclusively theirs. When Jesus speaks of marriage, he speaks of it as an exclusive relationship between a man and woman sealed by God, unbreakable by man. His followers bore similar testimony to the marriage relationship.

Therefore God’s silence on same-sex marriage is deafening. We know from Romans 1 that same-sex attraction is unnatural, therefore people are not born with it. It is not God’s will for people of the same sex to have sex with each other. (This is a “one-flesh” argument that works well against polygamy too.)

Therefore, for someone to say that they were born gay and ought to fully express themselves (in order to be happy), they ought to be able to marry another gay person is an out and out lie. And God takes this very seriously.

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Lev 18:22)
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Lev 20:13)

The word “abomination” may be one of the strongest words in the Old Testament to describe the displeasure of God. Not only does the practice disgust Him, but it seems to me that any “marriage” based on the practice would be absolutely abhorrent to Him. Something so totally outside His plan for marriage that this too would be an abomination.

I heard someone say a few days ago that they knew they were gay from the day they were born. A person doesn’t even begin to think about other people sexually until they get to puberty, do they? Did I miss that? Unless they have been abused sexually I doubt seriously that “from the day I was born” sex was a thing.

I believe there is as much to “same-sex” attraction as there is to the overused stereotypes of what is “male”
and what is “female”. There are so many things that are considered feminine, that any man who has an interest in cooking, tailoring and fashion, personal grooming, or music is immediately, in some circles, considered “gay”, and so pressured by his peers that at some point, he just gives up and “comes out” because he has been labeled so all his life. Any girl interested in carpentry, stone work, weight-lifting, etc., is considered “butch” and must be gay. Since when did we become so narrow to think that only men are interested in some things and only women are interested in others? Do these things compromise our sexuality? Can’t a girl be interested in cars and a guy be interested in soufflé and not be considered gay?

My point is that “being gay” is a false statement, and becomes a trap for anyone with what they interpret as same-sex attraction, and expressing that attraction through physical and imagined acts is self-reinforcing. The more you do it, the more you are used to it, and it becomes normal.

Yet the patterns that reinforce homosexual behavior are eerily similar to the patterns of other sinful behaviors. Psychology tends to call these “addictions”, and sexual addictions tend to be the most destructive, as they tear at the soul of the individual, and not just the flesh. Any sin can become a lifestyle, including lying, stealing, adultery, coveting and so on. And the trap of each sin is two-fold, 1) I can stop anytime, and 2) I’ve gone too far already to turn back.

But there is hope. As long as you are alive, you can still turn back. Your path is not set, nor your destiny assured, since God is stronger than your “destiny” and more powerful than your lifestyle. Don’t give up yet. He hasn’t given up on you.

Tangled Webs

“What a tangled web we weave . . .”

Children are a blessing from God, in their proper context. “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” (Psalm 127:3-5a) Especially grandchildren, for “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” (Proverbs 17:6) Now that the Mrs. and I are expecting our fourth child, I see the worth of this little passage. Our prayer is that the next one, a boy if the SONAR is right, is born healthy like his brother and sisters.

Call me old-fashioned, but I thought kids were to follow marriage, not precede it. (I can hear you thinking, “here he goes again”) Now if anyone is keeping track, no one yet has taken me up on my offer to marry for free. Although, I have heard rumors that I’ve been pretty mean to unmarried couples. I’ll admit, my bark is worse than my bite. But have you stopped to consider that maybe we’ve been too easy on these kids having kids?

That’s really the shame of our permissive society, when the words “I’m pregnant” are not given in joy, but as a threat. When are children a threat? When free-living and irresponsibility comes to a screeching halt. Children are the end of fun, the end of happy-go-lucky. They are the beginning of responsibility: midnight feedings, trips to the doctor and the teacher, more groceries, more bills, more heartache when they stray.

We’ve already had three, so it’s not like we don’t know what to expect. Babies cry, smell, spit-up, and my personal favorite, the single-most eye-opening sound they make, bleegch! I have been sound asleep, but when the little one makes the “Bleegch” sound in the middle of the night, I have been known to instantly spring into action. I’ve seen a lot of stuff, but having upset stomach spill out over the sheets wakes you up faster than a pot of coffee.

The adults who spawn a child have to make hard choices. It used to be when the girl got pregnant the man responsible was obligated to marry her, so that that child would grow up in a two-parent family. Sometimes I long for those days, for those and for the days when a man established himself, by getting a job and a house, before he proposed to his fiancé. These are standards people used to grow up with, because then, the focus was on stability, security, and having a strong family for a strong nation. Nowadays, kids are often passed off to grandma, or to friends, so that the fun and the parties and the sex never stops. Shame on anyone who treats his child like yesterday’s newspaper. And the Bible warns that that kind of attitude will come back to you ten-fold. A child who is rejected by his parents can’t cope with it. They seek anyone who will listen to them, and often find the wrong friends. End result? They become more foolish than their parents. And this is where the real heartache begins. The Bible says:

“To have a fool for a son brings grief; there is no joy for the father of a fool. . . . A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him.” (Proverbs 17:21, 25)

“A foolish son is his father’s ruin.” (Proverbs 19:13)

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” (Proverbs 19:18)

This proverb is a reply in a way to God’s Law – “Anyone who curses his father and mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head.” (Leviticus 20:9) It may sound harsh, but God knows that the stability of any society relies wholly on the ability of parents to teach their children respect for their authority, and thus for all authorities. Any child who curses his father or mother will be a threat to the whole, and must be dealt with severely, as both example and as prevention. Children may seem like an inconvenience now, but someday they will be a doctor, or a lawyer, making policy and law while you are sick, old, and frail. Is it any wonder that the current generation in power is considering euthanasia as a possible way to “dispose” of the elderly? Where do you suppose that attitude came from? From the parents who were too busy to play with their kids because they had to make all the money to buy the big house and fancy car. They “disposed” of their kids with the Daycare, or somesuch. Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it? If your kids are a “burden” to you, just remember, someday they will make the decision whether or not to pull the plug. Someday they will be president, or they will be making the car you drive. Do you want to drive a car built by a kid who has no respect for his boss?

Children are the wealth of a home, and the Bible clearly teaches this. A man with many children can count himself blessed. We are breaking down our society with every child born out of wedlock. God bless those men and women who marry into families with children and make it work. We witness the destruction of our nation when children don’t know who their fathers are. For what ties do they have to the past, to patriotism, to anything, if they have no ties to their own fathers? Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen.

If you know a young man or young woman who is lost, without a father or a mother, then can I ask you to step in and take some responsibility for that child? Your future depends on them, whether they are yours or not. They need you, because they need a godly man or woman to show them what God is like. Consider it a mission to bring that person to the Fatherhood of God and Brotherhood of Christ, but be the living example for them too. Show them the love that they are desperate for.